I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
