I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize