she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
