A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
