just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
