Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
