OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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