Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
