those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
