Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
