Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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