was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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