He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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