got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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