Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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