I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
