I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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