Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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