me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
