I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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