I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
