Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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