blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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