you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
