i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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