I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I booty called her while she was in labor.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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