If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
