if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
