when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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