let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
