I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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