His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
