So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
