Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
