Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
