i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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