my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
