My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
