i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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