As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
