i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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