he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
