there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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