so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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