it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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