I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
