Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
