Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
