I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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