im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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