Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
