we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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