guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
