he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
