Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
