38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
is wine microwaveable?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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