dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
