the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
