Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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