Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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