ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
