ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My vagina just clenched in fear
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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