Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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