please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Someone shit on the floor
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
how do you play pong handcuffed?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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