I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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