watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i now understand why vodka
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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