im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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