he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
