i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
